When Two Became Three

January 9th, 2024.

3:07am.

“You’ll never be ready, but it’s the best thing you’ll ever do.”

Our baby boy was born.

Gareth and I were parents.

How does one even begin to summarise the feeling of having your first child? How are you supposed to put it into words?

I’ve tried to do this for weeks now and finally realised that it’s not possible.

You can’t quite explain the joy that having a baby brings you.

You can’t articulate how you are muddling your way through this parenthood thing together as time flies by, and yet it feels like your baby has always been part of your family.

You can’t properly describe how it feels to be utterly sleep deprived and yet you are still awake precisely when your baby needs you to be.

But I’m still going to try. Because turning my thoughts into written words is the best way I know how to capture moments in time, to preserve them.

Parenthood has taken me entirely by surprise.

I’ve always known I wanted children, but I’ve made no secret of the fact that I believed I wasn’t a “maternal person”.

I was so excited when we found out I was pregnant, but I didn’t know what to expect when it came to having a baby. I wondered what it would be like to have a child but I couldn’t quite imagine it.

Naturally, I worried too. Would I be any good as a mother? How would it change our lives? How would parenthood change me?

As it turns out, I needn’t have worried.

Becoming a parent, becoming Lachlan’s Mum, has brought me more joy than I thought possible.

Yes, it’s also brought challenges, uncertainty, discomfort, more worry, doubt, anxiety, and exhaustion. Just when we think we’ve got him figured out or got a good routine in place, his needs change and it feels like we are back to square one.

But that all pales in comparison to the joy. Even at the end of a tough moment or day I find myself reflecting on the privilege it is to be Lachlan’s Mum and to be raising him alongside Gareth.

What a privilege it is to watch our tiny human grow and change and develop in front of our very eyes. To see the world through his. To slow down and just be present with him. To see his smile light up his entire face. To introduce him to the magic that this world has to offer. To see him stare at trees in awe. To hear his giggle. To watch him chew his toes. To see him get stronger and gain more and more control over his body.

What a privilege it is to watch my husband become a father.

Lachlan is the most beautiful little boy. He is happy, cheeky, curious, determined, and chatty. He is great at communicating and he is so much fun. He likes food just as much as his parents do, but it seems he likes sleep a lot less. I’m quite certain he is the best baby to have ever been born (but I may be biased).

I try hard to strike a balance between enjoying each moment and scrambling to take photos of everything Lachlan does, film his latest antics and record his milestones in my journal because I don’t want to miss anything but I also don’t want to forget anything. I get the feeling that will be a balance I try to find for a long time to come.

As for whether becoming parents has changed our lives, changed me?

Ed Sheeran once sang about becoming a parent: “Everything has changed, but I am still the same somehow.”

Now I get it.

Having Lachlan has changed our life in so many ways. But while I’m now “Mum”, I’m still me. A better version of me, I think. One with more purpose, more gratitude, more grit, more joy, more patience, better priorities.

The quote I shared at the beginning of this blog was said by my Dad the day we told my parents I was pregnant. It remains the truest and best piece of advice anyone has given us.

That’s all for now,

Jordyn

“As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.” - Winnie the Pooh