Love, Marriage and then...

This might be the most life-changing blog I’ve ever written.

As 2022 was drawing to a close, I had this feeling that 2023 was going to be a big year for Gareth and me.

Yes, it was the year we were to get married, and our new house would probably be built and ready for us to settle into. But there was something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Still, I brushed the thought away. What else could happen that was bigger than getting married and moving into the first home we owned together?

It was probably at that point that the universe said, “hold my beer”.

Because, just over two months after our wedding I would discover that good things really do happen in threes. I was pregnant.

I say, “I discovered”, because of course the day I got a positive pregnancy test just so happened to be one of the very few days that Gareth was away overnight for work. When I tell you that was a rarity, I mean it. In that particular job, I think he was away for work for a total of three nights. What are the chances?!

I had to wait an excruciating 36 hours for him to come home to tell him this little piece of news that would, inevitably, change our lives forever.

How did I tell him? The only way I possibly could: over homemade pizza and beer (his beer, of course, not mine).

I can’t say this news came entirely as a surprise (we do understand the “birds and the bees” and all that), but it was a bit of a shock.

We always knew there was a possibility that starting a family could be tricky. We were very aware that it’s not always a straightforward process, and with my biological clock ticking away, we assumed it could take some time.

Apparently, that wasn’t to be our journey. For that we are immensely grateful.

Which leads me to sitting here, writing this blog at six months pregnant.

Much like I was never the sort of girl to spend hours daydreaming what my wedding would look like when I was growing up, I’d never really given all that much thought to pregnancy either.

I guess I’m more of a “cross-that-bridge-when-we-get-to-it” kind of person.

So, as someone who isn’t a particularly maternal person, I’ve found that the last six months have been interesting, but in the best way. I’m so glad I didn’t have any preconceived ideas of what pregnancy would be like, because it’s meant that this whole experience has been a time of learning and discovering, taking one day at a time.

Sure, in the beginning we both felt a whole range of emotions, which I’m told is very normal when you learn you’re expecting your first child. Everything from excitement to gratitude to terror to joy to uncertainty to elation to terror and more.

Then there’s the questions you start to ask yourself and each other. Are we ready for this? (I believe the correct answer to that is “no one ever is”). Will we have enough money? (Again, most people won’t feel like they do). Will we be good parents? (I guess we’ll find out). How much will this change our lives? (Enormously).

And then, after a little while, it seemed that most of the lingering anxiety around the uncertainty of becoming first time parents sort of disappeared.

That might be because when you’re pregnant, there’s so much else going on too.

We got to tell our parents that they were going to be grandparents (again, for my parents and for the first time for Gareth’s parents). We had our first scan and got to see this little baby wriggling around, and that meant we then got to tell many other people the good news.

I’ve also had to learn that pregnancy doesn’t entirely mean life carries on “business as usual”.

If you know me, you know that I’m very independent. I don’t like to ask for help, I try not to complain too much, and god forbid I should ever look ‘weak’.

So, it took me a while to realise that I was so exhausted all the time because I’m growing another human being, not because I was being pathetic. I had to accept that under no circumstances was my family going to let me do the heavy lifting when we moved into our new house. As my belly has grown I’ve learnt that my core muscles don’t quite function the same as they used to and I definitely don’t fit through the spaces I used to. I’ve discovered that heartburn is a very real thing and that while I was already familiar with restless legs, we are now very much best friends.

The only thing I’d ever really considered about pregnancy was how it would feel when the baby moved. I’d always struggled to get my head around the fact that you could literally feel another human moving inside your stomach.

Everyone told me that in the beginning it would feel like gas, or like butterflies in your stomach. My interpretation? It was more like the feeling you get when your eye twitches, like a muscle spasm.

I expected to feel weirded out by this, like there was some sort of alien moving about. But what I’ve discovered is that it’s actually something I look forward to feeling every day. Maybe it’s because the feeling slowly grows, changes, evolves and becomes more frequent over time. Or maybe it’s because I do have some maternal instincts deep down in there somewhere and so my mind and body knows this is a normal feeling.

I’m hoping for the latter, because if those instincts exist then that will bode well for the very near future.

With just a few months to go until this little one is due to make their arrival, I find it extraordinary that this thing that so many humans do is the one thing in life that absolutely no one can prepare you for.

Don’t get me wrong, people are trying.

We’ve been told that it’s the hardest thing we’ll ever do and also the most rewarding. We’ve been told that sleep will never be the same again but also that the child will eventually sleep through the night. We’ve been told that the newborn stage is just the best and also that every other age is the best. We’ve been told not to buy too much before they’re born but also been given recommendations for many things that we are yet to invest in.

I have no doubt that all of the above is true, and more. But, and this is a big but, I think I’ve distilled it down to the two best and most universal pieces of advice we’ve been given (so far).

Number One. Parents never stop worrying about their children. (I can personally vouch for this because I am a child and I know that my parents have never stopped worrying about me).

Number Two. No one really knows what they are doing, and all parents are winging it.

And, while the latter could be terrifying, I actually find it comforting. If “experienced” parents don’t know what they’re doing all of the time, then it’s okay that we won’t either.

As this pregnancy progresses, and then we enter parenthood, I intend to share more about that side of life on this blog and my social media. How much, and what it looks like, I don’t know yet. It’s my first time, remember?

But I do have a few things planned in the short term, and beyond that, I guess I’ll just wing it.

That’s all for now,

Jordyn

'"If I am thinking correctly,” said Pooh, “A new baby is probably, undoubtedly, the greatest gift that could ever be.”’ – Winnie the Pooh